Life...

Life is funny sometimes. Just when you think you have overcome a challenge or a certain task, you learn that you haven't. This is one lesson I learned this past week. Last Sunday we got the phone call that my 93 year old grandma had passed away in her sleep around 3am. She was 93 and lived a very active life but she was so ready to be done living on earth and ready to be with my grandpa, who passed away almost 24 years ago. I didn't know my grandma very well, even though she lived an hour and a half away my entire life. She was very close to my family when I was younger but the last time I remember seeing her was when I was in 3rd grade. Grandma Moog (seriously isnt that the BEST last name ever?!? I am tempted to name one of my children Moog just for the sake of an awesome name...hahahahaha) was the last grandparent I had alive so knowing she has left this earth life was pretty hard. I think the hardest part was just when I thought I had overcome this crappy situation of death, it strikes my family again. I have had a very hard time this year with the passing of my dad and I go through stages where I am okay and I know he is gone, to being in complete denial. My mind plays these SHITTY games on me and tries to convince me he is just on a vacation and will be back soon when I know he won't be. Lately, anytime a slow song comes on, I have to turn it because I start to cry really hard. The past few weeks I couldn't look at ANY pictures that had anyone in my family in them because I would break down. Well, I thought I was getting better then Sunday came around and now, I am feeling as though I am back at square one..only I feel a tad guilty because I am not sad that about my grandma, I am still sad about my dad. During her funeral they sang I am a Child of God...my dads favorite song and the amazing musical number we had a lady in our ward sing at his service. I looked at my brothers and sisters at my grandmas funeral during this song and it broke my heart to see each of us with our heads down sobbing, tears flowing down our faces like water coming out of a faucet. Why? Why does a song make you go through so many emotions? I didn't know what to do--cry for myself and my loss, or suck it up and comfort my older brother and mom who have a hard time dealing with emotion? I wish I could say the services for grandma were lovely...but they weren't; in fact, they were rather ghetto. My aunt and her family showed up in freakn Hawaiian attire...seriously?!? The night before the services they were trying to put together the program still, they didn't do an obituary till the night before, the viewing was 15 minutes...LITERALLY, we didnt stand when the body came in or out, and they didn't ask ANYONE to be paul bearers until they were at the gravesight. Call me crazy but I thought it would be super nice and classy because that's how grandma was, and she knew she was going to be leaving earth soon. It made me appreciate everyone that helped out on dads so much more! Anyway, enough about that. I have other news to talk about...

*I signed my apartment papers--December 10th is moving day! (come help!!!)

* I got a 2nd job running an after school program

* Shaun and I are about to go on 4 months...yay for us

* I finally got a physical after years of dreading them and passed with flying colors

* I can wear a size Medium top...but the large is still more comfy for now! :)

* Size 14 jeans are beginning to be too big

* I joined a bootcamp evernight in Modesto...it kicks my trash!!!

* Went to Yosemite for the first time and HATED it

* Still trying to figure out what school to go to for my masters...I really need to focus on it

* Enjoyed my first HUGE paycheck from work...working full time has MAJOR pros

* pulled my groin muscle...hurt like a freakn B!!!

* went from blonde back to brunette...LOVE it (even though Shaun doesn't)

* In charge of classroom trick-or-treating for my lovely students

* Ran a daycare at a wedding for 11 kids...think I might consider doing it full time ;)