February...

How do I sum up February?!? Simple...horrible, shitty, worst month of my life, hopeless...literally the list can go on and on but I will spare you all the names. February was the worst month of my life. Its the month my life forever changed and will never be the same...its the month I lost my dad. It's weird because I have NEVER had to experience death. I mean, my uncle that my family was really close to died when I was 6 but I dont remember the funeral or anything. And other than him, that's the only family member that has died that has been close to me. So when February 16th came, it was so much harder than anyone could imagine. I am left with the what if's, what now, why, and all those questions and situations that go through my mind. Perhaps it would have been a TAD easier if my dads passing was meant to be but no, it was a result of a patient mixup. Seriously?!? What day do we live in and they cant even check their charts to see what patient needs what? I know that March is going to be hard because we have meetings upon meetings with doctors to figure out what happened, what went wrong, and most likely, to set up a meeting with a lawyer. I just wish my dad was given another chance. You hear so many times of people that were given another chance but not my dad--why?!? I know he was an amazing person but seriously I still needed him around. I still, to this day, wait for him to come home. I go to make his dinner plate, I go to call him when I am lost and need directions, and I wait to say goodnight to him--but now I have to say goodnight a different way, I have to find a way outta my issues, I have to make one less dinner plate and one less phone call. If you couldn't tell--I miss him so much. You would think the loss of a family member would bring a family together--not my screwed up family. Ever since the funeral, we have been so far apart and everyone has been in a fight with everyone. I still wait for the day when we can sit around a table as a family and enjoy each others company--I have hope! Speaking of the funeral, luckily my dad was freakishly creepy and planned out how he wanted the entire day to go so we didn't have much to worry about and the day went off without a hitch. We had the hershey kisses at both doors (he was the "candy man" at church), we had his hillbilly milkshakes at the luncheon (peanuts in soda), we had the entire family there, we had the speakers he wanted, etc. Apparently the chapel was PACKED full and tons of people were outside in the lobby! I dont remember seeing a SINGLE person but then again, I dont remember much from that day. Thank goodness for Tara taking pictures like my mom asked to help us remember it. Obviously with this, I wasnt in work for a week and I was so bumbed that I was going to get such a small paycheck but nope...I got paid for the whole week I was gone! Best news I have heard!!! I am also glad I had so many family members come into town because they are my world and they mean sooo much to me! We were able to go bowling and to the ice cream company in memory of daddy and I am glad they were able to be a part of it! My students have been pretty good since I came back--except one girl who CONSTANTLY comes up to me and talks to me about her dad--I swear I just wanna kick her one day! HA. Valentines day was uneventufl--call me crazy but I thought my freakn boyfriend might actually come down that day since he has the weekends off--but dont worry...he didnt! Needless to say, we are not together anymore! February might be the shortest month but I will forever think of it as the LONGEST month.