Life...

I haven't been on here in DAYS! Well, I lied, I check it everyday but I haven't been up to writing for some reason which is VERY odd because I love writing and I write letters to my dad every night. But something has just been keeping me away from writing on here. April brought to pass the first major holiday without my dad and while we tried to do it as "normal" as possible, it was one of the hardest days so far for me. At my parents dinner table, me and my dad sat across from each other--and now I stare at an empty chair. I stare at an empty plate, I walk into a quiet room, I am the only one who laughs at my jokes, and I only say goodnight to one parent. God, seriously I miss him so much. People keep trying to tell me to "give it time" and I swear when I hear them say that, I just want to punch them in the face! So note to self, if you even THINK about saying that not only to me but to ANYONE going through a rough time, you BETTER think twice! I tried to go back to chuch with my mom and nephews one day last month and the key word there is TRY. I walked into the chuch building and FREAKED out! Keep in mind that the last time I was in the church was for the services and all I could picture was having to go through that day again. I have tried to explain where I am coming from to a few different people and they just don't get it. They keep telling me to keep trying and go back but I am just not ready. It's not that I am mad at the church or anything, but just having to put myself back in that building is not good for my mental state as of now. My life these days really is one step forward 2 step backs and it sucks. But anyway, what else happened this past month? I went to San Fran for a day trip with 3 of my sisters and my mom which was really fun even though our original idea went out the window. We were going to go to the exploriatorium on the first Wednesday of the month for free but the line just to get in was over 2 hours! Are you kidding?!? We will just pay 15 bucks to get in on a normal business day! This coming Saturday we are headed to the beach for a day celebrating mom since she wanted to be alone on her birthday! I love going to the beach and I think spending time with the family away from home is just a FANTASTIC idea! I am so glad the month of April is almost over because it is the month I go bankrupt do to a never ending list of birthdays that seem to be in this month! I swear people apparently are VERY horny in the summer...leading to TONS of April birthdays! Plus, May 26th is the last day of work for the summer! SOOO EXCITED! I have so many trips going on in the summer with my mom and Tara that good times are bound to happen! I am mostly excited for our Utah/Idaho trip because its just me and my mom and we are visiting family members and friends that are like family so it will be an amazing time! Plus throw in some Disneyland trips and beaches, solvang, and you will have my summer! I am so excited to be able to tan again! Beth and I are planning a fun birthday celebration for my dad too and even though its not till August, we are so caught up in planning everything to make sure its super special! I am excited to be able to plan it! Oh and as far as work goes, I am looking for a full time job instead of just my 3 hours with a couple resource groups but I am keeping this one till I officially get a new one. I am not going to be getting rid of this amazing job without another in line! I have been trying to find a job in Utah so I could live there in the summer but I havent been able to find one so I will probably just be here with family which is totally fine with me! Anyway, I just feel like I am rambling on here so I am gonna go. Peace out world...