Work...

This past Wednesday I started my first post college full time job! I guess it is about time that I make the transition to this so called "adult life". I am very happy to report the transition has been a blast and I am in LOVE with my job...except the alarm going off each morning at 6am...I still have not mastered how to not hit the snooze twice on it but hopefully with time, I will get better! The best part about my job is the amazing little children I get to work with. They are some of the most loving, funniest, happiest, and care free children I have ever had the opportunity to be around and they make waking up each morning totally worth it. I work in a SH classroom with 3rd-5th graders who make me a better person each day and who always make me forget about my trials and bad days. The one little boy I work most with is a little blind boy. I was so excited when I found out he was seeing impaired because it brought me back to my roots--my childhood of being able to be with Stephanie each day from Kindergarten forward. I love being able to rely back on my previous knowledge of things such as braille, cane mobility, and games which help them to adapt to life better. The sayings this little boy comes up with make me smile from ear to ear! He has a love for new things--especially new shoes. Each time he meets someone, he asks the name and what they have on their feet. Once they respond "shoes" he asks, "are your shoes new or old"...before I have the chance to warn them to say new, half the people say, "oh these are pretty old" and he gets so frustrated! It is the funniest thing to watch because he grunts and then goes, "well I am going to go buy you new shoes because you have BEAUTIFUL feet and they need new shoes". If you happen to say your shoes are new, he does a little happy dance! So I call him happy feet! I am his special helper and I love it because of the things he tells me. Yesterday he kept saying, "Miss Stephanie you are beautiful, you are so gorgeous and precious to me"...keep in mind, he is blind! I love getting compliments from a blind little boy! The students in the classroom are full of so much energy. Each day when I walk out to my car to go home, I have a new sense of life and enjoyment for the things I have in my life. The moral of this story is be grateful for what you have--don't make an issue out of a non issue and look on the bright side of life. Most of the students I work with will not live a full life but that does not effect them. Some of them will never be able to live on their own, but they don't mind it. If they can be so happy all day then why can't I? Why do I get frustrated with things in my life instead of looking for the better? I know working at this school is going to make me such a better person and I look forward to the days, weeks, months, and years ahead I have of working with special needs kids. They truly do bring out the best in me and I love it! I am excited for Monday to roll around as I walk into the classroom with my Starbucks to awaiting children who are so eager to learn...not to mention the hugs that await when you walk in the door are pretty amazing! :)

ton of bricks...

This past Monday I was able to go camping with Shaun up at Half Moon Bay. When we got there Shaun was in front (we took different cars because I was leaving the next morning and he was going to stay and camp in Santa Cruz) and apparently the park ranger guy told him they were booked and we couldn't stay there. However, they did have walk in campsites so he told Shaun if he parked his car outside the camp area and walked in with his tent he could give him one of those sites. So away we went to park his truck and put all the gear into my car. I ended up paying for a day use pass and Shaun walked through with just his tent and backpack. We met up inside the camp area and set up camp. We had the PERFECT spot...maybe 30 feet from the beach and just really quiet! When the sun set I started to get all nervous because I was told I had to leave then but Shaun was trying to assure me I could move my car closer to our campsite and it would be fine all night for just one night. Well, we did just that and decided while we were sleeping if we heard anything (like perhaps a tow truck haha) we would wake up and move it! Luckily nothing like that happened and we were able to pack up and leave the next morning for Santa Cruz. I ended up going with Shaun to Santa Cruz for a few hours and when we were about 10 minutes away (its about an hour drive from HMB to SC) I looked down at my hand and then it hit me...hard...like a ZILLION bricks all at once...the ring was gone!!! I started bawling...I tried to call Shaun who was getting farther and farther ahead of me but his phone was off. I tried to drive as fast and straight as I could while my eyes burned and tears flowed down--and not to mention the marine layer was horrible and you could hardly see at certain points. Keep in mind this was not ANY ring...it's my dads wedding ring. How could I have lost it? I ALWAYS feel when it falls off. I was crushed. The one thing I still had of dads was now gone. How could I ever tell my mom that it was gone...let alone go on knowing that I had been careless and lost his ring? When we arrived in Santa Cruz I got outta the car and Shaun instantly knew something was wrong. When I finally got out the words of what happened he opened my trunk and started going through my things. Bless his heart!!! :) We didn't find it in our stuff and Shaun finally looked at me and said he wanted to go back and look for it. I felt sooo guilty and didn't want to go back because I knew it would be like finding a needle in a hay stack. However, his sweet smile and generous heart won me over and before we knew it we were standing back at camp looking all around for it. I wish this story had a happy ending. I wish I could say I walked into the bathroom and there it was just sitting there waiting for me to come back. However, it wasn't there. I never did find it. I still have a horrible feeling everytime I look down at my hand and see the tan line. Something inside me says I will find it in my stuff one day but I doubt that's true. The moral of the story is--surround yourself with good people and friends so that when you go through something like this, when you feel like your world came crushing down, they are there to help you find a way out and be a shoulder to lean on. The hug I got from Shaun when we were leaving the campsite after looking for the ring was the best hug I could ever imagine. In that moment, I knew he felt my pain and understood what the ring meant to me. Perhaps I lost the ring for a reason. Maybe it was a sign that I didn't need a physical symbol to remember my dad and keep him with me. Maybe it was time for me to learn to lean on myself and my true feelings that lie within me. Whatever the reason is, I know it happened for a reason no matter how hard and how much it sucks being in this position right now. I am just glad I have a good enough friend to put his plans on hold and help me search for something that meant the world to me. If he only knew how much it meant to me--maybe he already knows it...who knows! :)

summer 2010

This is turning out to be one of the best summers of my life!!! I have been able to experience so many amazing things and I am very thankful for all of them! The 4th of July was really hard on me because it was always Dad's biggest and favorite holiday so without him here, it was hard to go on and have a blast. However, my uncle, his brother, was able to come down with his entire family and I had a blast with them! They are the only family on my dad's side that I really know--and since they only live 4 hours away, hanging out and staying in contact with them is way more easy than those in South Carolina! My cousin Kimmy and I are 2 peas in a pod. We had this GREAT idea to go out and buy water balloons on the 4th and not tell anyone so we could get some great surprise attacks going. Well part of our "MASTER" idea was to fill them upstairs and put them in the ice chest then carry them down when everyone was out of the front room. Well we ended up carrying it down with the lowest amount of people were around since there was NO WAY of getting outta there with no one seeing us. While we carried it downstairs, the balloons were popping and soaking the ENTIRE stairway! It was sooo funny because our idea was HORRIBLE and we were soaked by the time we got to the last step! However, we had an amazing water fight and when I thought I was super cool and got a water gun without anyone noticing, Niky, my cousin, had BUCKETS filled with water she was DUMPING on me! I was screwed after the first bucket and suddenly my little water gun was not the shiz anymore! Shaun and I have been enjoying each others company and this Sunday is officially a month...funny that it has only been a month but its fun so far! He has met only 2 of my siblings and my mom so he still has a lot of meeting to do! This past weekend we decided to be random and go on a roadtrip to a place we have never been. I borrowed Tara's map and we closed our eyes and each picked a place. The place I picked Shaun had been to so we went with his--which was Paskenta California...about a 3 hour car ride and there was NOTHING there! WE still had so much fun and enjoyed getting to talk and spend time together in the car. We went there and then we went to Chico and Sacramento and enjoyed a lovely picnic lunch by the river! Oh how I love this boy! He is too good to be true! :) Also this summer I was able to welcome baby Jacob to the family! Chuck had his 3rd (and hopefully last) baby and I was able to take Bailey and Peyton up to the hospital to meet him for the first time! It was bittersweet holding a newborn baby because I could only think of how dad was just with him just a day before. I also just heard that Emily and Anthony are having a baby girl! I cannot believe my family will FINALLY be getting another girl! 6 boys and 1 girl soon to be 2 girls in December! Logynn Rae is due December 16th so that is another fun thing to look forward to! Perhaps the best part of summer this year is the fact that it has not been insanely hot! I was dreading being home all summer for the first time in 4 years but it is not as bad as I was thinking! This coming weekend I have my first Giants game with Shaun (we are going to celebrate the month mark) and then in the following week I am preparing for my Utah/Idaho trip! So many fun things to look forward too...summer might actually start becoming my favorite season afterall! :)

San Fran Fun...

I love living in the central valley! One of my favorite things about the location, is just that--the location! I am lucky enough to live within an hour and a half of anything you could want! Snow, beach, mountains, hiking...whatever you want you will find in any direction! My favorite part of summer is being out of work and being able to go on roadtrips with my 2 bf's (best friend and boy friend...we will get to the boy friend part in a minute)! We just went and spent the entire day in San Fran and had so much fun! I have been the city so many times but I still had a list...and in fact, still have a list, of things I want to do there! We were able to compile a list of everything we did yesterday for free and the only thing we did end up paying for was the toll to go across the bridge! We brought our own picnic lunch and ate on the beach so we didnt even have to worry about food! We are just good like that! We were able to visit the Full House actual house (and the neighbor one which actually has the red doors now), go to the wave piano, go to fort point, and of course, finish with the beach! I had so much fun and am so glad that I had my 2 bf's there! OH yeah, and now to the boy part...haha. Best for last right?!? I started dating an amazing boy named Shaun...he is super sweet and caring and just really awesome! We enjoy each others company and share a lot of interests and goals! Something tells me he is a keeper! :)

Disneyland...

So lately things have just been crazy around the home. I have once again been having a very hard time getting through the days and my nights are endless tossing and turnings again. It was as if I was back on day one after the news about my dad and I didn't like it. My mom and I were talking and we decided that a trip to my dads favorite place was overdue! So...after Michael and Bailey's preschool graduation ( I cannot believe they are in Kindergarten...let alone Brayden in 1st grade...where did the time go!??) we packed up the car and randomly headed down to Disneyland for 2 days of just pure fun. I found myself wanting to do everything that my dad loved. I went to his favorite restraunt, his favorite shows, his favorite rides, in hopes that he would be just standing there waiting for me to join in...but sadly he never was. Finally I realized he was there, he was the warm feeling of happiness I had the entire time I was there. I was sure to pack up that feeling and bring it back home with me where it belonged--and for the first time in weeks, I was able to sleep through the night again! Something about Disneyland is just pure magic...it takes the nonbeliever outta me and just allows me to have fun and imagine a perfect little happy world! :) I love that my mom and I were able to have this random fun adventure...it was a perfect start to our summer of adventure! And now, if anyone wants to go to Disneyland, I have an annual pass so lets get our Disney on! :)

Mom...

Did you know that if you spell out MOM and turn it upside down it spells WOW?!? Well that is just it...if you want one word to describe a mom, it is simply WOW! In my short 22 years, I have been blessed with not only an awesome mom, but some pretty incredible second moms!

Beth is not only my older sister but one of my favorite second moms! She has always watched over me since I was just a baby. I am always finding myself going to her with my problems and she is always there for me to vent to. I can't count the number of times we have talked for hours on the phone while crying and laughing together and sharing some great stories and advice. She has taught me how to be a great friend, sister, woman, host, and person in general. We have so much fun hosting parties for others and being each others partner in crime. Beth has allowed me to live at her house while I was in college and would come home for visits which has led to some amazing memories. No matter when I might need someone to help me out, I know Beth is always just a phone call away and that is one reason I love Bethie as my second mom! :)

Linda Linda Linda...an amazing woman! She has been a true example to me that when things get tough in life, you have to continue doing the things you know are right and being a great person. She has taught me to never give up but keep pushing through. I can remember being in high school and going over to her house to just hang out on the weekends beacuse I would have so much fun with her. She was the first person other than family that I could turn to and I knew would do anything to help me and my family. The Wandvik family has become very close to me and I love the fact that when I moved away to college, they moved to Utah so I could go visit them and be with "Family" while away from my family. I know that whenever I need a hug or shoulder to cry on, or an upbeat conversation, that momma linda is just a phone call or visit away which is why I love Linda as my second mom! :)

Last but not least, my favorite mom ever...MOM!!! Although we do not see eye to eye on everything--in fact most things we have to come to respect each others view points, I am so thankful for her! My mom and I have such a unique bond that I really dont know how to describe it. She has taught me everything I know--from cooking amazing meals for large crowds, to cleaning the already clean--I have all my knowledge from her. She still tries to teach me things about sewing but I just dont have an interest...sorry mom! HAHA I look forward to going shoppign with her, not only for the free clothes and lunch, but for the great talks and stories we share. She has been such an amazing rock of strength these past few months and I just dont know how she does it. When she is having her worst days, she is still up doing things for the family making sure everyone else is getting through the day. When I was in Idaho she would send me the best holiday packages to be able to celebrate in style--just as they do at home. I love the movies we go to and the laughs we share. From vacations to Mexico to Utah, she has been my traveling partner! My mom is hands down one of the best! She even, to this day, helps me make my bed because she makes it the best way! On special occassions, she will even come into my room and sing me the goodnight song while rubbing my back to help me fall asleep! :) What could be better than that?!? I am so thankful for my mom and everything she has taught me, showed me, and believed in me. I LOVE YOU!!!

Life...

I haven't been on here in DAYS! Well, I lied, I check it everyday but I haven't been up to writing for some reason which is VERY odd because I love writing and I write letters to my dad every night. But something has just been keeping me away from writing on here. April brought to pass the first major holiday without my dad and while we tried to do it as "normal" as possible, it was one of the hardest days so far for me. At my parents dinner table, me and my dad sat across from each other--and now I stare at an empty chair. I stare at an empty plate, I walk into a quiet room, I am the only one who laughs at my jokes, and I only say goodnight to one parent. God, seriously I miss him so much. People keep trying to tell me to "give it time" and I swear when I hear them say that, I just want to punch them in the face! So note to self, if you even THINK about saying that not only to me but to ANYONE going through a rough time, you BETTER think twice! I tried to go back to chuch with my mom and nephews one day last month and the key word there is TRY. I walked into the chuch building and FREAKED out! Keep in mind that the last time I was in the church was for the services and all I could picture was having to go through that day again. I have tried to explain where I am coming from to a few different people and they just don't get it. They keep telling me to keep trying and go back but I am just not ready. It's not that I am mad at the church or anything, but just having to put myself back in that building is not good for my mental state as of now. My life these days really is one step forward 2 step backs and it sucks. But anyway, what else happened this past month? I went to San Fran for a day trip with 3 of my sisters and my mom which was really fun even though our original idea went out the window. We were going to go to the exploriatorium on the first Wednesday of the month for free but the line just to get in was over 2 hours! Are you kidding?!? We will just pay 15 bucks to get in on a normal business day! This coming Saturday we are headed to the beach for a day celebrating mom since she wanted to be alone on her birthday! I love going to the beach and I think spending time with the family away from home is just a FANTASTIC idea! I am so glad the month of April is almost over because it is the month I go bankrupt do to a never ending list of birthdays that seem to be in this month! I swear people apparently are VERY horny in the summer...leading to TONS of April birthdays! Plus, May 26th is the last day of work for the summer! SOOO EXCITED! I have so many trips going on in the summer with my mom and Tara that good times are bound to happen! I am mostly excited for our Utah/Idaho trip because its just me and my mom and we are visiting family members and friends that are like family so it will be an amazing time! Plus throw in some Disneyland trips and beaches, solvang, and you will have my summer! I am so excited to be able to tan again! Beth and I are planning a fun birthday celebration for my dad too and even though its not till August, we are so caught up in planning everything to make sure its super special! I am excited to be able to plan it! Oh and as far as work goes, I am looking for a full time job instead of just my 3 hours with a couple resource groups but I am keeping this one till I officially get a new one. I am not going to be getting rid of this amazing job without another in line! I have been trying to find a job in Utah so I could live there in the summer but I havent been able to find one so I will probably just be here with family which is totally fine with me! Anyway, I just feel like I am rambling on here so I am gonna go. Peace out world...