Is Christmas really over?!? I can totally remember stitting at work counting down the days with the kids and I swear it felt like it would NEVER come. Then suddenly, you wake up and its 3 days AFTER Christmas...where did the holiday go? I wish I could say I had a GREAT Christmas, but I was taught not to lie. It was one of the hardest days, not even days, hardest COUPLE of days of my life. I have never felt so much hatred, felt so lonely, so unappreciated, so unwelcome, so horrible in my life. Granted there were times when I felt great, when it actually felt like Christmas, but that didn't happen all the time. Christmas eve Shaun and I were attacked by the horrible cold bug that was going around. I was actually on like day 3 and feeling much better than previous days, but Shaun was pretty much on his death bed. He didn't get out of bed that day, so our plans to go over to my sisters in laws house was cancelled. I baked homemade muffins all morning in my kitchen while listening to holiday music and danced around pretending I was a little girl in my mommas kitchen...those were the best memories. I took the time to go out with my sisters family to visit with dad and get everything ready for everyone to go out the next day. Christmas day we got up at 6am (I am LUCKY Shaun waited till Christmas to open his gifts) and we did our stockings and presents. Then we headed to my moms for a huge breakfast and gifts over there. That is where most of the hostility was...we could NOT leave there any sooner than we did! So many ungrateful, crazy people at that house. We went to Beths for dinner and played with her kids and it was a lot of fun...the way Christmas should be! Sunday we had to do some exchanges but nothing crazy, and there were NO lines so it made it even better! After a couple of day after holiday steals we came home and took down Christmas. I am left wondering where my holiday spirit has been. I knew it would be a hard holiday, but usually I dont let people or things get to me. I have never faught with Shaun so much those 2 days, I have never cried so much, never allowed myself to feel such harsh feelings towards other people. I know I was overly emotional so I hold tight to that hoping that each year it gets a little better. Looking to the future, I don't even know what I am going to do about holidays. Do you keep going to the someones house where you feel awkward, cant relax, and feel unwanted...or at some point do you just stop and realize other things are more important?!? I DUNNO...again, where is my rule book for these things?!?
You can't force your family to have a relationship with you. I try (which is sounds like you did) and be as kind as you possibly can, but I wouldn't go on being hurt. Do the things and be with the people who make you happy. When you are happy, the rest will fall into place. I hope you can eventually find a good balance with your family's life but if they are unwilling to be kind and family-like to you, I wouldn't go over there.
ReplyDelete