Goodbye Christmas

Is Christmas really over?!? I can totally remember stitting at work counting down the days with the kids and I swear it felt like it would NEVER come. Then suddenly, you wake up and its 3 days AFTER Christmas...where did the holiday go? I wish I could say I had a GREAT Christmas, but I was taught not to lie. It was one of the hardest days, not even days, hardest COUPLE of days of my life. I have never felt so much hatred, felt so lonely, so unappreciated, so unwelcome, so horrible in my life. Granted there were times when I felt great, when it actually felt like Christmas, but that didn't happen all the time. Christmas eve Shaun and I were attacked by the horrible cold bug that was going around. I was actually on like day 3 and feeling much better than previous days, but Shaun was pretty much on his death bed. He didn't get out of bed that day, so our plans to go over to my sisters in laws house was cancelled. I baked homemade muffins all morning in my kitchen while listening to holiday music and danced around pretending I was a little girl in my mommas kitchen...those were the best memories. I took the time to go out with my sisters family to visit with dad and get everything ready for everyone to go out the next day. Christmas day we got up at 6am (I am LUCKY Shaun waited till Christmas to open his gifts) and we did our stockings and presents. Then we headed to my moms for a huge breakfast and gifts over there. That is where most of the hostility was...we could NOT leave there any sooner than we did! So many ungrateful, crazy people at that house. We went to Beths for dinner and played with her kids and it was a lot of fun...the way Christmas should be! Sunday we had to do some exchanges but nothing crazy, and there were NO lines so it made it even better! After a couple of day after holiday steals we came home and took down Christmas. I am left wondering where my holiday spirit has been. I knew it would be a hard holiday, but usually I dont let people or things get to me. I have never faught with Shaun so much those 2 days, I have never cried so much, never allowed myself to feel such harsh feelings towards other people. I know I was overly emotional so I hold tight to that hoping that each year it gets a little better. Looking to the future, I don't even know what I am going to do about holidays. Do you keep going to the someones house where you feel awkward, cant relax, and feel unwanted...or at some point do you just stop and realize other things are more important?!? I DUNNO...again, where is my rule book for these things?!?

Logynn Rhea...

It is official. The Nelson clan has climbed another number...we have FINALLY gained another GIRL!!! Emily and Anthonyhad their little girl Logynn Rhea Barba on December 16th at 7:39pm...it is a VERY significant day, and even more significant time to me! Logynn brings the grandkid count to 8...6 boys 2 girls. If we counted everyone in the family, including Shaun and Stacey, we have a grand total of 21 people!!! We now have...

Brayden Scott Rhodes...7 next month!!!

Michael Stratton Rhodes...6 in February

Bailey Renee Nelson...5 1/2

Maxwell Walker Venturini...4 1/2

Peyton Allen Nelson...4

Milo Anthony Venturini...2 Jacob Douglass Nelson...5 months Logynn Rhea Barba...5 days

Christmas

These were the years. Christmas has been the same since FOREVER in my family. One of the traditions that no matter how old, how many people, or how much drama, it was ALWAYS the same. The one thing that changed was the caroling part. I think when we became old enough to not sound "cute" as we sang horribly, mom decided to call it quits! I did love baking cookies and singing to people...but trust me, you don't want ANY of us Nelsons singing on your door...pretty sure we are the reason people ignore the door on Christmas eve. Anyway, on to the things that never change. We still bake RIDICULOUS amounts of cookies the ENTIRE week before Christmas. I am debating which day to go to my moms this week to bake...Usually the best cookies are saved for Christmas eve...because Santa always needed the best. After baking was finished, and dinner was served, we would scurry to the living room and wait not so patiently as dad searched for all our presents smartly labeled "pj" on them...only it would have been an even smarter idea to keep all of them in the front, all around each other. I remember one year it took an hour to find the pajamas...insane I tell you! We each hold our box of pajamas, sometimes slippers too if we were extra good, and listened to mom read the giant book of The Night Before Christmas. I love that book...I have it memorized...and I love that we have the recordable ones for the grandkids...how I wish dad would have read it too...but that was Mom's thing...she is the reader in the family with her weird voices. As we got older, we would read along with her. Not because she asked us to, because we knew it by heart! Then finally, youngest to oldest, we would open our amazing looking jammies and run to put them on! Once pajamas were on, it was time to set up Santa's plate of cookies and carrot on the lawn for the reindeer. I don't really know how the carrots would disappear each morning, but they would. MAYBE that is why we couldn't put them in small pieces?!? Mom always said because they would choke...but maybe it was so they could pick them up nice and fast? Either way...it was fun to do and even better to see them gone the next morning! This is why I believed in Santa way into jr high...because I had parents that did EVERYTHING to make sure it was a magical time of year! Christmas morning was always special. We would try so hard to sneak outta our rooms early, but dad was ALWAYS the light sleeper. You would open your door and not even .2 seconds later, dad would be standing in front of you asking what you were doing! We ALWAYS had to wait for everyone to be awake...and being the youngest, having teenage siblings who would rather sleep made for a very unhappy girl! Anyway, we could do the stockings once everyone was in the room...and we could do those all at once...making sure to stop and smile for the camera every once in awhile. Mom has these really annoying little soldier bell things that play Christmas music...seriously I cannot remember a Christmas without them...you would they would break sometime...but they don't...we have ALL tried!!! Anyway, after stockings were all opened (Because mom wraps everything in them) Then we had to put them away, and get ready for the day while mom and dad hurried and made breakfast. We were never allowed to eat breakfast in pajamas...still aren't. Breakfast was my favorite part. LOTS of food...TONS of food...pretty sure we could feed all of Modesto with the amount of food we have, but it is how we do it! It's the southern part in all of us, go big or go home! :) Last one to finish breakfast (ALWAYS Garrett) had to clean up, except he NEVER did it, it was always the girls. We cleaned while mom and dad got dressed. Then we sat waiting again, for dad to pass out the gifts. One at a time, youngest to oldest, we sat in a circle, smiling after each gift as mom took a picture on the camera. I never did understand why mom went before dad...she is older...but the rest of us went in order. Christmas lasts all day this way...one time it took over 3 hours to open gifts. Mainly because after each 5 we open, we have to take a break and go put it away. Not just set it on our bed, put it AWAY. Every 2 people had a black garbage bag to put the wrapping paper in...mom is OCD can you tell?!? When the last present is opened, we all sadly walk away, but happily go and search for a new gift to play with! We play with them for a little big, then we go to the movie. I remember one year, dad made us go out and work with him. I wore a new outfit to try to get out of the work, but he smartly said, "well good thing we have a washing machine". Dad was always smarter than me. Dinner was never a big thing to us. We were the breakfast family. I don't remember many big special Christmas dinners...probably because we were lucky if we were all talking at dinner. It wouldn't be complete without a holiday fight! I love Christmas. Maybe I should say, I LOVED christmas. I am scared. Scared of what it is going to be like this year. Who is going to cook the great breakfast?!? Who is going to jump on all of us and wake us up?!? I will be making a special trip to Turlock to visit Dad, probably take him a stocking...but it wont be the same. My whole family wont be together...really ever again. I am scared of moving forward, of trying to keep things the same. Part of me wants it all the same, the other part wants it all different. There should be a handbook for this kinda stuff.

"old habits die young"

What does that even mean?!? If the habit dies young, shouldnt that mean its easy to change? Yet, in our language, it means it takes FOREVER to change a behavior. I strongly dislike this saying. I dislike when people use it as an excuse for a bad behavior. I understand things cannot change overnight, but if you are TRYING and STRIVING to become a better person and to change the behavior, then you probably don't use this term. If you are trying then I don't care how long it takes, and I know there will be SHORT fall backs, but when someone does the ENTIRE behavior again, I am left to question if they are even trying...are they?!? I dunno...I am not perfect either, and for that reason, I understand peoples faults and weaknesses but man, trying to understand them and make sense of them stinks! Oh, and for the record, I still STRONGLY dislike that stinkin saying!!!

I'm a big girl now!

Well, I officially live on my own! It is pretty lonely sometimes...I am used to having at least 4 other people around me. Nights are creepy and long, and I am gone in the mornings so days go by way to fast. Things I have realized that I hate about living on my own...
**Waiting on the repair man to come fix things (broken oven)
** People who freakn smoke and are slowly killing me (man below smokes INSIDE)
**No one to talk to
** Buying groceries is SOOOO expensive
** Bills
**Cooking all my own meals

Things I LOVE about living on my own..
**NO RULES!!!
** Go to bed and wake up as late as I want (well on the weekends anyway)
** My own personal sanctuary
**I can do whatever I want, whenever I want
**Cooking for just me!
**Peace and quiet

Living on my own is once again a new adjustment but I do really like it. I just wish my apartment didnt smell like an ash tray, and I wish the managers would get back to me or even answer their phones...both of those would be LOVELY but I really would just settle for ONE of them! A girl can dream right?!?

a little piece of heaven

Remember how I just mentioned that I bought a chair and ottoman for 60 bucks!? Well, here is the picture of it!

It looks REALLY REALLY red in this picture but it isnt that red in real life! Shaun HATED it at first because of its color, but I love it! It is the most comforable chair ever...actually its more like a couch but its a chair so I am gonna call it a couair! HA...anyway, Shaun soon realized just how comfortable it is and now he LOVES sitting in it and watching the game! So really, this chair is just a little piece of heaven in my living room! :) Best 60 bucks I ever did spend!

table...

So a couple months ago, I was driving to Roseville to go to a family dinner the night before my grandma's funeral. I had to go to the bathroom REALLY bad so we pulled off the highway and ended up at DI! After relieving my bladder, I was walking out and saw a table that looked pretty similar to the one above, only in worse condition because it was probably a good 10 years old, and it had 6 chairs instead of 4. The table and chairs were sold as a set for 60 bucks...and the cheap person inside me KNEW I could not pass up this deal! I needed a table for my apartment that I would be moving into and the thought of taking under this project with Shaun and making my table the way I want made me really excited! I ended up buying the table (and a red chair and ottoman for 60 bucks as well) and I started the table renovation project! After SEVERAL trips to Lowes, HOURS of sanding, and MOMENTS of wanting to give up, I am very very very happy and in love with my new table!!!I love waking up and walking outta my bedroom and seeing my table each day!!! The best part is they have one pretty similar to the way mine looks now and they are trying to sell it for 300 bucks...I will GLADLY take my 60 dollar table any day! Oh, and for the record, I added everything together from Lowes, and my total was $93.57...not so bad for a table that originally seated 6 (I threw away 2 of the chairs because they were in such HORRIBLE condition)! :)