mr and ms psycho...

day 13- a letter to someone (my favorite so far!!!)


    It has come to my attention in the recent days that I apparently live a VERY interesting life. In fact, it is so interesting that I have a few stalkers...wow go me! This letter is dedicated to the future mr and mrs psycho..
 Mr and Ms Psycho,
    It has been brought to my attention that you are apparently my biggest fans. In fact, you apparently want to know so much about me that you have decided to "stalk" me. I am so sorry that you are such losers that you do not have any real friends, and as a result, you have to look up others blogs that you are not even friends with. What a sad, lonely, pathetic life you must live. I realize that you are miserable and mentally unstable, but this behavior is just not acceptable. In fact, they actually have court cases against people who have been stalkers online, and I am sad to say, you are walking a very thin line. I am just confused as to why you would want to follow my life. We have NOTHING in common, we HATE each other, and we will never be friends. So I am left wondering, why have you chosen to do this? I wonder if you will ever admit that you are envious of my life. I mean, I haven't lived at home with my parents since I was 17 years old, I moved away from home to attend college, I finished college in 4 years, I have an amazing NON ABUSIVE fiance, I have an amazing full time job, and I am happy. Now ask yourself, can you BOTH check everything off that list? I don't think it is even possible for EITHER of you to check ALL of it off...which is really sad. I wish I had a way of contacting you, but like most NORMAL, MENTALLY STABLE people, when you dislike someone very strongly you end ALL forms of communication. You delete emails, phone numbers, and you DON'T try to find them online. Therefore, I have to write this letter, knowing that you will soon be reading it. It is my hope that one day you might grow the balls and get the courage to actually speak up and talk in person. If you really want to know about my life, then open your freakn mouth and ask. Until then, I ask that you please do not read my blog anymore; even though it is amazing and my life is WAY better than yours. Oh and please, go seek some help because you both need it BADLY!!! Enjoy your sad, miserable, sick lives.
Yours Truly,
Stephanie

why blog?!?

day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one


Actually the only reason I even got one of these things was simply for an assignment I had to do at BYU-Idaho. We had to do an online journal thing and this was one of the options for doing it. I had never really heard about anyone having a blog back then, so it was really boring and nothing to read. Then however, it spread like a wildfire (why do all "new" things online spread so fast?!?) and soon I was checking it everyday reading everyone's news. I have come to appreciate it as a great way to stay in contact with friends from college as I am back home now.
 
**Ps side note, sorry that I missed a day, but yesterday was spent in the ER with Shaun. He woke up around 2:30 in a lot of pain and very uncomfortable. Hearing his pain really freaked me out, especially when he said where it was (right abdominal severe pain) so I loaded us up and headed to the hospital where we spent the next 6 hours till we found out it is galstones and now he has to call tomorrow to make an appointment for surgery. Thank goodness for vicodin in the meantime! So our window is covered with blankets to keep the sun out so we could actually come home and get some sleep...the last thing on my mind was writing a blog for the day...hopefully you understand my pain!**

friends

day 11- another picture of you and your friends

The bottom picture pretty much sums up mine and Tara's relationship...she laughs because I don't get something then my lightbulb goes off and I get it! Always a good time when we are together...and the top one is from my recent trip to Idaho...we went bowling with some of my old roomies and really good friends and had so much fun catching up with them!

music

day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad


Happy: Pocket full of Sunshine....it just makes me really happy and I like it...especially since it was in the movie Easy A...so funny!
Sad: Depends, usually when I am sad it's because I am missing dad, so I will listen to I Believe in Angels...by Abba...love them even more now!
Bored: Anything that is on the radio...then I get frustrated because nothing is on, so I usually turn it off and make a mix of my own...singing like 5 words and then switching songs mid way! HA...it's fun and you should try it too!
Hyped: Sex on Fire...only when I can sing along with Tara...AMAZING times...then we usually sing Backstreet boys and California Girls...all making us even more hyper...our new favorite is "gonna be a bright...Bright...BRIGHT sun shinning day"...GREAT times!
Mad: ANYTHING that has a really good beat to it that lets me clear my head and clean my house at the same time. I am not too picky, I like all music!
 
*Music is good for the soul. I like it all, from country to, dare I say it..rap. It just can't be too hard core one way or the other! I am easy to please with music and it really does effect and change my mood!

Something to be proud of

day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days


    This one is really easy for me. This past week was the first year anniversary of my dads passing and I am pretty proud of the way I was able to hold myself together on the actual day. Now, if you ask Shaun, I was a ROYAL mess the few days leading up to it...I think I was making it worse in my head, even though it was a pretty bad/hard day. Anyway, I was able to spend the entire day with my sister and we talked and chatted about some of our most favorite memories and lessons that we have learned from dad. Looking back today, I am really proud at how well I held it all together to get through the day. I only really really lost it when I watched the DVD we played at the funeral and when me and Shaun took a trip out to visit him at his final resting spots. It was a REALLY REALLY REALLY hard day but in the end, I had the love and support from my best friend, fiance, and sister around me yesterday to help with it!

Goals

Day 8: List of short term goals for the month and why

Let's see for this month I want to:

* actually follow my grocery list...so I can be wiser with money
* Not eat past 7:30...because its unhealthy
* Learn a new habit...something to keep my mind busy

1 year...

525 948.766 minutes without you. Today marks the year mark of that horrid day and somehow I am still stuck in that dreadful hospital. I am stuck standing in the hallway as I watch Chuck come out to get mom. I am stuck screaming and no one hearing. When does this end? People kept saying “it will get better with time”…well it’s been a year, and nothing is better. The family is more dreadful than ever, the pain is just as strong, so I am left wondering how is this better? Every time I see a Taurus on the road, I stare it down trying to see if it’s you driving. Lately I have been “seeing” you around me so often and these games my mind is playing are not fun at all. Christmas morning I walked into mom’s house and turned the corner to the kitchen anticipating you and your horrid Christmas hat…you know the Disney tree one that sings and lights up…cooking up a big southern breakfast…but the kitchen was empty. I still to this day cannot drive by the hospital, I will go the opposite way on purpose just to avoid it at all possible. To this day, I have all the phone calls, texts, and emails saved from family on the day it happened…a year later and I still cannot seem to erase them. God dad how I miss you so much. How I wish so badly you could meet Shaun and get to know him. How I wish so badly you could see how happy I am right now. It breaks my heart knowing that you will never know this phase of my life. The 16^th of every month I still get the same dreadful feeling in my stomach when the clocks strikes 7:20. I still hear in my head the code blue, still see what everyone is wearing, still see us all jump up. For that moment, the family was together. For that moment we didn’t care about any outside fights or disagreements, we stood huddled together all secretly saying a little prayer in our minds, a prayer that was left unanswered. For that brief moment we were united, standing together, being the strong Nelson clan, only days later for it to shed and fall apart. This feels like a dream; a dream that I cannot wake up from. Tell me, when does this end? People say that for every tragedy there is a lesson to be learned and in the end we end up grateful for it. Well,1 I am still waiting on the lesson to be taught to me, and 2, I will NEVER be grateful for this…ever. Everything about Feb 16 2010 is playing out in my head. From the moment I woke up, to talking to you about Full House on the phone, to going to work, to getting to the hospital…all of it is constantly on repeat in my mind. Seriously does this ever end? I know we come to terms knowing that we will one day see our parents pass before us, but it shouldn’t be because of a stupid hospitals mistakes, it shouldn’t be before we have closure, before we are done creating and sharing all the memories and moments together. I think of you A LOT. I am pretty sure Shaun knows just about everything about you. You are my new favorite subject to talk to people about; you always did like being the center of attention and now you still are! Songs that never had any importance to me, suddenly make me cry at the blink of an eye. Holidays that used to be fun and exciting are suddenly so dreadful and uneventful. Things that used to make me laugh no longer do, and jokes don’t ever seem as funny as to when you would say them..and your jokes were never even funny! I guess what I am trying to say is that I miss you so freakn much. I think of the memories we had together, both good and bad, the lessons you taught me by word and action, and I think of where I am today, at this present moment and I just wish so badly that you were here with me. I wish you were the man driving so slow in front of me on Pelandale, I wish you were the person calling me on the phone, I wish you were here, even for 1 hour so I could say goodbye the right way. Maybe that is why I am having such a hard time moving on, because I didn’t get the closure I needed. Then again, what is closure and how do you get it from this situation? I don’t think I will ever know and I don’t think I will ever find out. I miss you dad, I love you so much and I hope I am still making you at least a little bit proud of me!